Wednesday, July 19, 2017

A Deployment: Not What We Had in Mind

The news of deployment two weeks after getting engaged wasn't what we had in mind. I knew it was always a possibility and I had been trying to prepare myself for months with the thought of it potentially coming but God doesn't give me grace for the days ahead He gives me grace for today. His grace is sufficient for today, not tomorrow or the weeks ahead. Something I've had to remind myself over the past 36 hours after Zach called me after work on Monday and spoke the words, "I am getting deployed." 
My throat tightened. My stomach felt instantly nauseous and my body just began to feel weak. All the days prior I had been telling myself that it would be a possibility but nothing could prepare me for the sure fact of Zach telling me he would leave for an extended period of time.

I thought to myself "God, seriously?!? We've been together for almost 6 years and waited for the right time to get married and now you're sending him away?! Why? I don't understand." 

As I cried speechless on the car ride home from work I told myself I needed to be tougher, that I knew what I was getting into when I said "yes" to Zach and I needed to stop crying. Zach listened and comforted me and reminded me that it was okay to cry and be sad. He reminded me that this was all a part of God's greater plan and we just needed to trust and walk in that. I received it the best I could in that moment and just began to process this new reality. A new reality I didn't want to accept. 

Over the next 24 hours I was encouraged by my friends and family, they listened to me cry and reminded me it would be okay. My Aunt shared a sweet bit of wisdom with me that I've clung to since Monday night. She told me that we all have this picture of what things should look like but sometimes God's picture is different and it's greater than we could ever ask for or imagine. She said you have to let your perfect picture go and begin to ask the Lord to show you what He wants you to do. That has been my prayer over the past 36 hours and after much processing and thinking Zach and I came up with a plan that we are both content and happy with. Our loose plan is a wedding in September of 2018 in Maryland when it's a little cooler. We will firm up more as time goes on but that is what we are planning on as of now. Lots can change but we will make a plan each time we get a curve ball. God is good even in circumstances that are hard to accept and sad. The verses I have been clinging to are:

"Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created." Esther 4:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Cast your cares on me and I will sustain you." 1 Peter 5:7

For those wondering, (as of right now) Zach will leave mid January for six months and head to the Middle East. It is a non threatening area so we have that to be thankful for. 

Although this will be a hard season I know everything will work out and the Lord will carry us through, just as he always does.

Thanks for listening to me share my heart! So grateful for each of you. 

10 comments :

  1. One of your best blogs, yet! Oh, Abi--you are so young and yet so wise...I've learned much from you and I'm more than twice your age!!! An amazingly special young lady you are...

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    1. Thank you so much sweet Sheri! Your words mean more than you'll ever know. Love you!!!

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  2. Praying for you Abi! God is good even in the midst of a difficult time. I pray he would bring you guys peace, comfort and give you the strength to continue on. You've got this! xoxo annika :)

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    1. Thank you Annika! That means the absolute world. He is good even in the hard times!! Thank you for your sweet sweet words.

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  3. Definetly keeping you in my prayers! As a fellow military girlfriend I'm quickly learning that the ideal plan and the "normal" marriage situation may not happen as quickly as I would have liked. The Lord is ordering both you and your fiancées steps, and He will give you strength❤️

    Alysse
    lysseonlife.com

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    1. Thank you so much Alysse! Yes, it's part of the military life! Hang in there girl. You've got this too!

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  4. Beautifully written and moved me to tears this morning! Keeping you in my prayers and knowing you'll both get through this. Ultimately at the end of the day all that truly matters is that the two of you end up married! Always looking at the bright side...my husband and I were married in September and it works out perfectly because we get to take a trip over the long Labor Day weekend to celebrate our anniversary each year ;)

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    1. Thank you Rechelle! That means more than you know. It will be a beautiful fall wedding and the marriage is the most important, you're so right! Positivity is key!! XO

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  5. You're so strong and everything will fall into place! God tests us everyday and it's our job to be strong and trust in our faith so that the people around us will trust too. Keep smiling and you'll be fine because you are a girl boss! :) -Morgan McLain

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    1. You're so right Morgan! Thank you for the encouragement and love! It means more than you know!!

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